WAYS TO ANNOY A YANKEE
* Take your own sweet time when doing ANYTHING.
* Pronounce all one syllable words with two.
* When giving directions, finish with "it's right down yonder on the left."
* Talk REAL slow, and ask them to speak more slowly so you can understand what they're
* When they talk nostalgically about the North, tell 'em "Delta's ready when you
* Talk loudly and often about SEC football or ACC basketball.
* Refer to every soft drink as a Coke.
* Always order sweet tea and/or grits. When they don't have it, raise a ruckus.
* Offer to send 'em a bottle of fresh air.
* Insist on being addressed by your first AND middle names. (e.g. Lisa Marie -- John
Michael -- Jim Bob. . .)
* Frequently bring up "The War of Northern Aggression" in conversation. If anyone
ever says the words "Civil War", always interject that "there was nothing civil about it."
* Address all males as "son" and females as "little lady".
* Correct their pronunciation of certain words. For example: It's "pee-can."
* Put Tabasco on everything.
* For New York Yankees: Act as if the whole state of New York is New York City. In
other words, if they say "Yo, I'm from upstate New Yoik!" say , "Well I'll be, my wife has always wanted to see a Broadway
* When invited to dinner, offer to bring dessert. Show up with a box of Moon Pies.
. . banana ones.
* Name all of your children "Bubba."
* Use the word "reckon" in a sentence.
* "Mash" buttons. "Cut" off lights. "Carry" the kids to school. "Fetch" something.
* Never simply "do" something. Be "fixin to do" something.
* Tell them you don't have an accent, they do.
* Be sure to include "yes/no ma'am/sir" in all conversations..
* Only use landmarks and ramble on when giving directions. "Now go down Jeff Davis
Highway and turn left at where the Chevron station used to be. I think they turned it into a Amoco. Or maybe a BP. Anyway,
turn right there. . ." "You said left." "Did I? Well, turn left there and follow it until you see a big fish on your left.
I remember when that fish used to be on the other side of town.."
* Ask them if it's still snowing up North. Then tell 'em you went driving around
in your convertible this weekend.
* Call 'em a yankee. Works every time.